Friday, 29 September 2023
Thursday, 28 September 2023
Sunday, 24 September 2023
I spent my childhood in relationships where I was evil EVIL to my partners, I was too young to even be dating but I did and when I tell you I fucked folks up, I fucked folks up.
I had suffered abuse in my young years and in turn I was abusive to others, this is what happens when you don't nip things in the bud, you become your monsters.
In my childhood I cheated in most of my relationships, where I felt either abused by them (they cheated or other types of abuse) or hurt by them, instead of communicating and/or leaving, I was evil. Though I had one relationship, where he was not harmful to me but I was harmful to him. He came around to forgive me a decade later but I never forgave me.
The guilt you carry after fucking people up, you carry that with you for the rest of your life, on top of karma being up your ass for the rest of your days; in which I absolutely deserve. You cannot go back and undo anything and that realization will haunt you to the grave.
I had reached a stage and age where I needed to come to terms with my demons, with my deep rooted problems and regrets. I got into therapy to battle things, battle myself. I find its a never-ending road but I have come so far from there and I had learned a lot about myself.
I had learned I had PTSD, commitment issues, issues with monogamy, fearful avoidant attachment style and I was just SELFISH, heartless and selfish. These things were important to learn and more important to learn that they are not excuses for cheating, even the cheating I did as revenge.
It's been since 2016 I had my last monogamous relationship and still I'm reaping what I sow, in the form of karma-based backlash: I have never been in love before, don't pick good partners and I attract the abusive I had been. For all my life I also hated myself, almost to death but with therapy, finding religion and hard work, I reached self love but I had not and will not find self forgiveness.
If I never find true love, it's not the fault of anybody but my own and I will come to terms with this.
If I could go back, I'd undo it all. Don't become me, you owe your partners and yourself honesty, transparency and to free yourself and others from eternal agony. Cheating only turns good people into evil monsters, or empty shells of people that never recover. If you've been cheated on, break the cycle and don't become who hurt you. Don't become me.
Monday, 18 September 2023
Monday, 11 September 2023
Friday, 8 September 2023
Wednesday, 6 September 2023