It's my guilty pleasure. I hide it from my loved ones, hide it from my friends. I make excuses and stretch the truth to hide my addiction. I often waste money I don't have. I often have to suffer for it but it's always worth it. Unlike most people though, I admit I have a problem. I don't want to fix it though, just always acknowledge it's there. It's not like it will kill me and it could always be worse. I could be addicted to drugs, alcohol or shoplifting. I'm better off than most so I'm quite alright with myself.
I had always wished I was artistic. I had always wished I was good at art. I was told in school that as long as I tried hard in art class, I would get a good mark. I tried so hard to be as good as everyone else but I almost didn't even pass. I just wanted to be able to draw and paint like everyone else. I wanted to put something together that didn't look like a child did it with their fingers. I just wanted to be able to draw tattoos and portraits and draw manga. I was always told practice practice practice but I was practicing for a long time....I still try and it just seems like this just isn't for me.
Do you ever get so mad, you start laughing? Laughing so hard then you start crying? Do you ever get so mad, you think about doing crazy things? Do you ever get so mad, it's the maddest you have ever been? You are so red in the face and can't even calm down. Your head is about to explode. Do you Ever, just wish you could do something insane and not ever look back?
Sometimes I feel people annoy the living shit out of me. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is stupid. I can't seem to find people who aren't morons. I have a few close friends that have a head on their shoulders. Now a days though, it seems the world is all about sex and fame and stupid garbage like that. I want someone to be friends with me that can hold a conversation and not see me as a welcome mat or something to be used. I can cover up my body and speak with smarts but it's not enough, it still attracts morons. I don't appreciate any of them, not one single one. I also don't appreciate people who disrespect me. Can't you just take your tiny brains and fuck off somewhere else?
What's on your mind? Nothing my mind is a wasteland. By wasteland, I mean it's actually a land of waste. It's like a junk yard, piles and piles of crap that I can't seem to get rid of. What's on your mind? Everything....all the time.