Shower Thoughts

Mosquitoes are like dirty used needles that can fly.

At age 30 you have spent a month having birthdays.

Pacman was the first survival game with the undead chasing you.

The band named "Gorillas" is a pun because a group of gorillas is called a band.

50% of Canada is the letter A.

I wonder if I am closer to my birth or my death right now?

You wake up when you die in a dream because you don't know what happens next.

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

Google is like CTLR F for the entire internet.

Unless your a celebrity, Twitter is like talking to yourself in a crowded room.

Your age is just how many laps you have down around a giant fire ball in the centre of the solar system.

A billionaire could give you .01% of their wealth and change your life while they would be virtually unaffected.

If I punch myself in the face and it hurts...does that make me weak or strong?

Clapping is just hitting yourself because you like something.

The person who proof read Hitlers' speeches was a grammar nazi.

When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don't think we are running to or running from something.

In order to fall asleep you have to pretend to fall asleep.

Whenever you dig up dirt or a rock, that could be the first time it has seen the sun in millions of years.

Strap-on spelled backwards is no-parts.

The Swiss must have been pretty confident in their victory if they added a corkscrew on their army knife.

"Don't kid yourself" could be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.

Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to is a doctor's appointment.

Family Guy is 90% Seth MacFarlane talking to himself.

Fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing.

History classes will only get harder and longer as time goes on.

A ton of people is literally 12-15 people.

When you bite down on something you are actually biting up because you can't move your top jaw.

Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.

Why aren't Iphone chargers called Apple Juice?

When you say "Forward" or "Back" your lips move in those directions.

Teenagers drive like they have limited time and the elderly drive like they have all the time in the world.